New Beginnings….Again

It’s funny how I haven’t changed my title on Tumblr, and I am now starting a new chapter in my life.  This past year has been a difficult one, what with getting my heart broken, separating from old friends, and losing my job. 

When you think you have something really special with someone, and it all get’s shattered within 24 hours, you really get shaken to your core.  You start to question that person, and ultimately yourself and how you messed things up with something you thought was unbreakable.  From the moment it happened, I thought I would never be the same.  I doubted who I was and all the things I did wrong, and started to blame myself.  I didn’t want to show anyone, especially him, the hurt I was feeling. So I pretended to act as if nothing happened, that I could be strong and play it off as me having that single life I never really had.  I kept posting on various social media sites that I was out and about without a care in the world.  But really, I was just a scared little girl who just wanted to not feel anything…I thought it would numb my pain, but it didn’t.  

I realized I couldn’t keep acting the way I was.  To ignore how I was feeling and act unlike myself was being weak.  True strength is showing you’re vulnerable and hurt, and having the people that care about you help you put the pieces back together.  And that’s what I did. I may have been a little too open with my feelings to certain people, like him, but at the end of the day I don’t regret it.  I thought there could be a chance for us to work things out, but I was wrong.  And to be honest, I’ve been starting to be ok with that.  We’re growing into two different people than the ones we first met, hundreds of miles away from each other.  Maybe things had to happen the way they did so we can grow up and be the people we are meant to be.  I don’t think you’re reading this, but if you are, I’m sorry for everything and I wish you nothing but happiness, and I truly mean that.      

It’s really weird how one minute you’re beyond devastated and you think nothing will make you feel better, to the next having found someone you just automatically click with and all that sadness disappears.  I was lucky enough to find this person and somewhere you would never really think a relationship would begin.  I found someone with similar interests as me, funny enough, he knows way more about movies than I do.  I’m excited about how he wants to introduce me to new things, like letting me borrow one of his favorite books.  He’s like an idea of a guy that I’ve dreamed about, but now he’s a reality for me.  I don’t know where this relationship will go, but I really hope things turn out well.  I’m excited for this new adventure, and I can’t stop smiling.    

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This performance, in [The Wolf of Wall Street], I really wanna say it’s your best performance I’ve ever seen and you’ve done some great movies. But in this movie, your performance is outstanding and you’re nominated for Golden Globe. Well deserved.

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Is it bad that I’m already thinking about planning my wedding?